10 Tips for Those Who Dare to Be Alone


I’m sure many of you already saw or heard reports about the recent study that a majority of people would rather give themselves an electric shock than spend 15 minutes alone in a room. More men than women would shock themselves, but still, there are a lot of people who’d rather feel pain than be alone and let their minds wander.

I think that’s…CRAZY! Don’t you know what you’re missing? Being alone in your room is the best part of everything. Apparently, this phenomenon isn’t new: One of my Facebook friends told me she wrote an article about this in Prevention before the Internet was a known entity in most people’s lives.

Why is this?

I think we’ve been told over and over—and by many sources—that self-reflection is dangerous. It’s selfish. It’s likely to lead to things that make us feel guilty. It might cause us to reexamine EVERYTHING in our lives and perhaps break some rules. We’d rather punish ourselves than celebrate our special uniqueness and examine our deepest fears and our utter perceived aloneness in the universe. After all, you might just remember that you’re going to die and you can’t take it with you or think what does it all mean and OH MY GOD…SHOCK ME NOW SO I STOP THINKING ABOUT THIS!

Well, for some reason I happen to be an absolute expert at spending time alone in my room. It’s one of my top-five favorite things to do. (Of course, I’ve never given myself an electric shock, so maybe that’s more fun?) All the tips below are assuming you are truly alone, and not in some observation room with a two-way mirror…. And notice I’m not asking you in any way to focus on your fears and your darkness, because I believe turning on the light is the best way to make that darkness go away.

1.    Look at yourself in a mirror. Really look. Stare into your own eyes. Who are you? Think about reincarnation and what you might have been in a past life. Do you look happy? Healthy? If you saw yourself on the street, what would you think of you? Try to turn off the negative voices and focus on the positives only!
2.    Think back to when you were little and try to remember who you thought you would be. Who are you now? Are you living up to your childhood dreams? If not, why?
3.    Feel your body. Sure, go ahead and touch it. But also just feel it from within, give it an emotional scan and think about what each little ache and pain might be trying to tell you. What purpose does it serve in your life? What would make your body feel awesome?
4.    Practice self-love. Can you give yourself pleasure without feeling guilty? Without resorting to the Internet? Just using your imagination and your own body? If touching yourself is too far to go, can you truly look at yourself and feel good and loving and appreciative of who you are, faults and all?
5.    Think about your biggest dream for your future; what does it look like? I always like to think backwards—from the big D. When you die, what will you regret if you haven’t accomplished it? Now imagine your biggest dream coming true. Is it a place to live? A person to love? A contribution to humanity? A creative pursuit? What is it? Imagine it.
6.    Think about how you’d redecorate the room. If all else fails, just imagining redecorating the room you’re in is always a fun game.
7.    Think about your favorite people. Who are they, and what do you love about them?
8.    If you could go anywhere you wanted in the world, where would you go? Don’t let fears of money, wars, or disease narrow your list. Remember, you’re safely alone in a room. Dare to dream!
9.    What would it take to be happy in your life right now?  OK with all the big things, then what about the little things? If you had to make ONE change in your life when you open the door to this room where you’re sitting peacefully alone, what would it be? What would be the biggest, boldest change you could make to make yourself happy RIGHT NOW?
10. What’s stopping you? Why? Do it anyway. Do it anyway!


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7 Responses to 10 Tips for Those Who Dare to Be Alone

  1. Alice Green August 6, 2014 at 12:45 pm #

    Well, I live alone and have most of my adult life. I love and cherish my friends and enjoy them so much, but when I come home I cherish my own company as well. If I could change one thing in my life it would be to have had a mother who really loved me. I can’t change that but I can be happy that she didn’t break my spirit, just my heart. And the heart heals more easily than the spirit does. Living alone has given me a great appreciation for both company and solitude, there are many blessings in both. It just feels good knowing that I enjoy my life and even though I live alone, I am not alone. To be even happier and more content in my life right now, I am working on writing more poetry and trying to get a spot set up to teach myself to water color. I have taught myself to paint in oils and acrylic so now the real task of water colors!! Thanks for the chance to think about these things in my life, and even though I’ll never meet in person, just from this blog you have become one of those ‘favorite’ people in my life, Maria.

  2. maria (farm country kitchen) August 6, 2014 at 8:29 pm #

    Dear Alice Green,

    Thank you so much for your friendship and continued support of my writing. It means so much to me. And always remember this — there is a mother who loves you unconditionally all the time — mother earth, the mother goddess, the mother of everything and everyone. Bask in the glory of her love and let her energy infuse everything you do and create…poetry! painting! laughter! We are all connected. And we are all loved.


  3. Alice Green August 7, 2014 at 12:32 am #

    Thank you for that reminder, Maria, I do know that I am loved, and nature has been a great lover and healer to me my whole life. And knowing that we all really are connected, in so many ways – just makes life all that much more exciting and worthwhile. It is a great adventure that I wouldn’t have wanted to miss – and I am so grateful to have discovered this great blog to add to my joy!

  4. Kim August 13, 2014 at 11:03 am #

    Loving oneself, loving the moment, just being. Thank you for helping us remember we are perfect as we are. In Joy!

  5. Gretchen August 13, 2014 at 12:52 pm #

    I love being alone…always have…enjoy doing things alone…love the peaceful silence that surrounds you…lets you notice how many sounds there are all the time…birds, crickets, tree frogs, dogs, cats, chickens, wind…the list is endless…it is easy for me to be lonely in a crowd, but that never happens when I am alone 🙂

  6. maggi g August 13, 2014 at 7:58 pm #

    I have been alone since my father died in 1997 and my daughter graduated from college and moved out the following year. I had never been alone before that time, what with growing up, marrying and having kids, and then caring for my father for 7 years. I was scared and finally pleasantly surprised at how much I really did enjoy my own company, along with the pups and kitties. now that im retired I have no contact with my daughter – because she did not want to have to help me the way I had helped my father. it was a sad thanksgiving day in front of everyone when she told me that. but….I was raised to be strong and happy with what I have. I now live in a small retirement apartment with my 3 furry girls and am very content with my life. good neighbors, friends, and living in my childhood neighborhood is all I need anymore.
    thanks for this article.

  7. Gayle August 9, 2016 at 6:50 pm #

    Sometimes, being alone in the familiarity of our surroundings, we can experience peace, solitude and just plain HAPPINESS! Enjoy YOUR time.

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